“Unconditional love is love without requiring anything in return–love no matter what. Love never fails.” – Heather Forbes
We all need this life-changing, magical and the most powerful force universally known as love, the unconditional expression of belongingness and the sense of fulfilment. Yesterday my daughter came running and hugged me surprisingly, I asked her what happened? She told me Mumma I wanna tell you something- she is only nine but was sounding like a saint to me when she said that “there is only one truth in my life that my Mumma loves me and I love you the most, no matter what… always, always, and always.” I was overwhelmed with joy, peace of mind and fulfilment. The acknowledgement of my unconditional love not only made my day but it provides me with greater accomplishment in life.
The purest form of love is sometimes called compassionate or agape love. That straight away brings to mind the love your parents have for you or the love you have for your own children. Yes, we all DO love our children without reservation. After all, no matter how tired we are, how irritated we feel sometimes, how occupied we are with work, we know that we’ll be recharged when they smile at us.
The only problem is that we get confused love with unconditional love. The duties and responsibilities are part of our love, but unconditional love is loving freely without a single condition that even doesn’t include the love in response. Let me correct you unconditional love does not mean love without limits or bounds. It is the freedom of being oneself without the sense of loss or judgement. It is essential to offer this type of unconditional relationship to our loved ones so that they can bloom beautifully at their own pace.
But does your child know that he/she’s lovable, or your love will never change to them?
Have you noticed your kid looking at you with closed/tight lips, down chin and diluted eyes?
Oh! They need your love and that too without any condition badly. This is a sign of insecurity in love, they are frightened of being judged.
What makes a child insecure?
Negative childhood memories, past traumas, the toxic relationship of parents or surroundings, experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, anxiety in public, fixed negative beliefs about yourself, standards of perfectionism, or having a critical school experience can all contribute to insecurity.
Early Signs– Children and adolescents with low self-esteem often:
- Portray the negative image of themselves – they might feel bad, ugly, unlikeable or stupid;
- Feel lack of confidence;
- Relationship issues- they find it hard to make and keep friendships, and may feel victimised by others;
- Bonding issues- feel lonely and isolated, in fact, they feel happy in that zone;
- Feel resistance in trying new things and find change very difficult.
This is the time to Build Trust. But how?
Simply express secure attachment, hug or hold hand, make faithful eye contact, or your personal actions that help develop the bond and security in children who learn that they can rely on you to meet their physical and emotional needs. Practically speaking when they feel cold, hungry, or physically hurt they know you are the only one to provide them with warmth and required sustenance. Kindly forgive them with a warning if they have done something wrong and feel a sense of fear. As we all know it’s a step by step process when we identify, rectify, interrogate and forgive with a hug and “my eyes on you” warning sign.
The experiences of childhood is a blueprint of adulthood in everyone’s life.
As parents, educators, or mentors in children’s lives, we can help our loved ones to collect the beautiful memories of childhood off course includes the accountability to address the negative blueprints. You can explore the following ways to help children change their bad experiences by:
- Fostering self-love;
- Teaching them an emotional expression of every aspect;
- Providing children with a voice so that they can strengthen the bond;
- Changing the victim blueprint into a powerful hero;
- Teaching the kids a new story of empowerment and character-building- Children learn by modelling so create characters who model creativity, cleverness, and commitment in order to reach self-determination and self-empowerment to face the adverse life conditions;
- Teach children problem-solving skills;
- Reconnect children with their gut instincts.
Love can be the key to empowerment and accomplishment in one’s life. Your kid also is the role model or a heroine in someone’s life but remember the secret ingredient is again unconditional love, it is not just a feeling but is a way of being and behaving with true love. It protects, hopes and perseveres the ocean of Love that never ends.
Our children have the right to feel this heavenly blessing, they need to know that our love for them is unshakable and abundant.